Summer 06 - Where d'ja go so fast?

In The Good Ole' Summertime!? Wait where did it go? Zoom, one blink and it is out a' here! Do ya love the picture? I do! North Shore, Oahu, Hawaii----Four years ago, see how time flies when your having fun. What a wonderful summer then, and a great summer now.
Family from OKC invited us down to Lake of the Arbuckle's to their little cabin in the woods, for Memorial Weekend. We had a great time, Precious learned how to drive a golf cart while we were there, just tooo much fun she had, cruzin' round Cedar Blue. It was a great laid back time with them all.
My precious doll kept the roads hot from fast pitched softball, what a time we had, State Finals kept us hopping but had a great time with our friends in Weatherford, swim lessons for two weeks, from one camp to another, UMC Church camp, OU Softball Camp, PA Girl Scout Camp, Cheer Camp.... oh what did I do,,, umm worked, went back and forth to all the afore mentioned... umm, worked, swimming,, um nope I didn't get to do that, Oh! I did get to eat watermelon once, but not in the backyard with family and friends, not even one speed sittin' contest. Fireworks at the Lindsay park with my great family and friends.

Kept the road hot between here and the Veterans Center visiting with Dad. He keeps me pretty busy too! I am thankful he is doing so well overall. Glad he is here to check on me and keep me in line, cuz I don't know how to raise my kid right ya know! I'm much to hard on her, and of course he does have prior wisdom about raising daughters, the right things he did and the wrong, I know he speaks from experience and also from regret. I have to appreciate that overall! But man,,,, the daughter sure picks up on it fast,,,, they just grin at each other when he tells me to lay off her a bit, that is what Grandparents get to do though, right! And Auntie's tooo!
Did take a few days with my Precious Doll to drive Route 66, from OKC to Tulsee Town. It was a fun trip, but a little long, 6hrs on those back roads, took two hours by turnpike comin' home! Yeah!!! Then we enjoyed a few days at home, my darling daughters idea none- the- less. (When did she get so grown up? I know right before my very eyes!)
Oh Yea! I bought my first vehicle all on my own! (I mean like, didn't have to have someone co-sign or give me money, I had plenty of help otherwise) Not on a whim of course, my sister and daughter walked so many car lots for several months, round and round and round, sometimes the same car, but they stuck it out with me, while I prayed for direction. Not wanting to make a mistake, and really not knowing what I was to do. This was one situation where the still small voice of God had to be sledge hammer size to get me moving. You know that comfort zone, yep, I was like imbedded way down in it's tracks. Thank God for Bank managers at IBC and his wisdom that helped me so much. Brother's, nephew's (Thanks Kerry for the Consumer Digest report), Sisters, and of course the daughter telling me what was NOT COOL, and we could not been seen in, I couldn't have done it with out their support. God worked it for just the right vehicle to be in the right place at the right time, and I really did hear him, when the time was right. PTL!
Let's see what else, Ruffles (our dog) went deaf for a few weeks, that was very very scary for us, but with antibiotics and a great vet she has regained most of her hearing, she is still funny to watch when there is a loud noise and she can't quite figure out what direction it is coming from. We are just glad she is better!
Did a little gopher huntin' with my water hose again, got THREE BIGUN'S this time! But there are still more of them there varmits diggin round my yard,, One day,, I'll get um all! Just got to pay off my water bill first : ) Don't say it!!!! Sound's like a red neck ta me! hehehehe!!!!!

My best bud flew up from Houston for a visit round my birthday. She suprised me at work with a GREAT BIG Wonderul Strawberry Swirl Cheesecake from Lorri Ann's. The whole office went wild! She and my sweet girl came and shared it with us all at break time. My boss said she could come anytime for a visit! : ) as long as she brought cheescake!

Work is interesting as usual, frustrating and rewarding, frustrating,,, and yeah,, I am blessed and highly favored!
I can't recall the rest of the summer, I know it was full of fun, friends, family, and when the time is right, and my brain is rested I will savor the memories of the Summer of '06. For I know that my life is not my own, but that of a great plan, thought out before I was even born, Because His word says He knew me even then, He plans my steps, my paths, He gives direction, and peace, joy and love to go with me every step of the way. God is Good!

Fast Pitch or Fast Paced?

So much going on, and of course in so many directions. My new job, getting settled there in my office, while still doing work to keep the other position up to speed till it is filled, Girl Scouts is coming to the end of another year, bridging ceremonies on the horizon, and my precious doll keeps me running in all the other directions, school, scouts, church, youth, youth skits, service projects with youth, dance, cheer try-outs (yep trying for another year), end of the school year events, vocal, and now fast pitch softball. What's my name again? oh yes i remember, gopher, taxi driver, mom, MOTTTHHHHHEEEERRRRR!, pretty lady, tired lady, exhausted lady,,,, : )
just too much fun I am having here.
All in all things are going well, yes we are very busy, but we are ok. I enjoy most of the things with her, but as we all know, I was not a very good baseball mom before when we were in t-ball and coach pitch. I am a screamer, not at other's kids, just my own. I get very fusserated! I know, I know, there is that control issue again, raising it's ugly head.
She of course has shown me that even not having played in several years, she is capable of doing whatever she sets her mind to. (umm,, I think that is what I've tried to teach her all these years) Imagine that. In the first scrimmage of the season she hit a home run, with lots of errors on the other teams part, but none the less it was a home run. Proud! Yep I am. But please all you who read this, pray for me! I don't want to be thrown out of any games. : )
Take me out to the ball game!

Time to plant flowers?

Well is it time to plant flowers or isn't it? Hot, freezing, snow, cool, warm, freeeeeeezing,,,, I am confused for sure. It is spring, winter, fall, or summer? We have had all four in the past few weeks. I'll tell ya, I am ready to plant flowers. My daffodils have bloomed and gone. I am in great need of Springtime. New life, beginning, all things that have been dormant springing to life again, green, yellow, purple, pink, yes color that is what I need.
Plenty of change going on in our home.
A new position at work starting in April for me.
And it seems new things each and every day for my child.
When I was involved with the youth ministry, I was responsible for each and every young person's spiritual present and future. Christian music was all that was played, movies usually had some form of spiritual content, or a theme that could be pulled from. I was responsible for all the time that young person spent with me to see that the content of our time together was directing them in the direction of our wonderful Savior. The biggest challenge was hearing God's voice for each one individually, not lumping them all together and treating them like one person. As a parent I have had to draw on that knowledge soooo very many times. Trying to be open and letting her make decisions of her own at this time in her life isn't easy. Not just now, but never has been. OK! I have control issues. Since she turned 10 I have been asking God about direction in the teen years, have made many mistakes (and we are not that far in the teens yet), learned from a few, but tried to push some of the failures through a second time just to make sure it wasn't goint to work at all with her.... and of course it didn't.
I remember when I got the call that she was going to be my child, for sure, no turning back call, the prayer that I prayed then still resonates in my being. And now I look back at what God showed me in a brief vision of what her life would be, the things she would accel at, I am in awe that he knew while she was still in the birth mothers womb what she would do, things that would come naturally to her, and the things would cause her some difficulty in life. Things that I had no knowledge about how to lead or guide her in, I didn't have to have any knowledge, because God had placed it within her from the beginning of her time. I am amazed, and I am challenged to see that opprotunities are given to her. I question how to lead her, how to let her be, when to back up and when to move forward. But God is Omnipotent. He has shown me in just a few weeks His presence in her life. He has given direction, He not me is working in and with her. I see spiritual growth, I hear spiritual growth, and I am amazed.
God is good, He is our provider, We have His favor, We are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ, Weapons formed against us shall not prosper, He is Jehovah Shalom, our Peace.
Hmmm, I do have color in my life, no matter winter, spring, summer, or fall, I have all the colors of God around me, the colors of love, peace, joy, faith, strength. I just have to take a moment to stop, be still and see, really see life around me.

At Home!

My body said ok auntiejthegreat it is time to stay home. So I did.
A time of quiet, can that be true, quiet? Yep it happened here today. (sigh......) It is a good thing. A bit of reflection,,, and quiet,,,
Ok, so it is driving me nuts!!! Too much of a good thing,, one day?? My daily pace has caught up with me I am afraid to say. Life is good thought! I am thankful for today, for the many blessings that surround me, even in a quiet time.
Girl Scout Thinking Day was yesterday here in Big L ( the actual day is wednesday feb. 22) We learned about England, and had a spot of tea, finger sandwiches (without the fingers, used ham and turkey instead : ) ), Courting Cake, and some nice little Crumpets. All our towns troops were there, cute little Daisys, Brownies, Juniors, and Cadettes. Everyone had a great time, leaders wore fancy hats, served tea in pretty little tea pots, pretty doilies everywhere, we even used glass cups!!! The Daisy troop made sweet table centerpieces with silk flowers and miniature British Flags, we learned new songs from England and even sang "God Save the Queen". The girls and leaders here in Lindsay are the best!
Am feeling a bit better this afternoon, took out the trash! Yea! My Precious Doll will be home soon. Will start homework, have to get out to take her to dance. So much excitement.
I am sure tomorrow will have me up and going strong, but today I am in and quiet.

25 Years over in 15 minutes

A marraige of 25 years over in just about 15 minutes. Well the court part that is. Guess it took us alot longer to get to the court part, huh.
I feel like today is a sunset, It was a pretty great 25 years, a few bumps, got shoved off the trail a few times, but all in all I really enjoyed those years.
I really do miss him, odd how someone can do such hurtful things, but you miss them... and then there is the feeling of I really need my best friend at this time,,,, and in all the years of your life,, that person who choses to walk away from you into someone elses arms,,, is the person who was your best friend and you need them the most at that moment.
I think I am loosing my mind.

I am really blessed with best friends, and family that have been and will be there for me through out all these days of self-doubt. And I am thankful for them. That God has strategicly placed them with me.
I will walk in the favor of God, His favor opens doors that no man can shut. I will arise each day and go forth, for my Light has come, and the Glory of the Lord will rise upon me each of those days. I will not be cast down, for the Lord God is with me. He is my provider, my strength, my all in all.
Even though in the fleshly relm this day really bites,
This is the day the Lord has made, and I choose to rejoice in it,, for my sake, for my daughters sake.
This evening I will enjoy the sunset,
I will remember the beauty that is in my life
And I will look forward to the sunrise tomorrow,
and the next day,
and the next,
for God is my strength,
my strong tower,
my bulwark that I lean on.

Closer to the End,,,,,,,,,,or is it the Beginning?

Well, what can I say, just finished the final draft of the divorce decree (hopefully). Just when I think we have agreed, we disagree once again.
I never thought that my life would come to a pile of dollars and cents, but that is what it has all boiled down to. Not 25 years of my life, given in loving through sickness, hurts, sprains, stitches, loss of fingers, financial loss, emotional loss,,,, and yet gained so much in those years also, a life of great young people passing through our lives but for a moment, the lessons learned, the love and true blessings we gained from them, the strength and peace that God has given us through out all those years, The most beautiful daughter in all the world, full of life, love and joy for all she knows. In no way could I have ever imagined the joy and sorrow she would bring to my life. As I watch her sleep I wonder what did I do to deserve the pleasure of having this special child in my life? It doesn't matter really. Just knowing that God has truly trusted me with her existance is more than I can fathom.
Then our sisters, brothers, our in-laws, and nieces and nephews,,, I feel priveliged to be a part of the bigger scheme of things.
I am thankful for all the memories, the laughter, watching them all grow from sweet innocent babies, to beautiful, responsible adults, and now watching all their babies bloom into wonderful, sweet, bubbly, bouncy creations, to go out and take the love of this big beautiful family with them to share with others.
These are not things I take lightly, I don't want to loose anyone, I want to be a part, to be included in the big picture all of their lives, not to be cut short by someone elses bad choices. How do I maintain that,, How do I walk in forgiveness,,,How do I take control of a bad situation and see that it turns out good, not only for me, but for my family also??
How do I not love this person, How do I release them from my heart, my soul, my total being, whom I have truly loved and trusted with my body and soul for over 3/4 of my lifetime? How do I trust again? How do I love again? How do I not hurt others as I have been?
Pity Party, no, Just real questions from my heart.
Fortunately, I do know who has the answer, because His eye is on the Sparrow, and I know he watches me. I will listen, I will watch, I will pray, I will try to be still and know that He is truly my God, my Provider, my Savoir, my Banner, my Favor, my Peace, and my Strength.

Ground Hog Day

Well, good ole' Phil the Ground hog (I can't even begin to spell his first name) has said there will be six more weeks of winter. So far we haven't had a winter. I WANT SNOW!!!!!

So Phil if your listening, can we at least have 6 or 7 inches of snow in PoDunk, Oklahoma??????

Sorry muttering again.

Trying to make some decisions about my life, needing God's guidance, but wanting things my way, then trying not to get in God's way when I ask for His help. You know He is always there to help, He tells us in His Word to, "Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you". I know that the ye and you pretain to us all. I am seeking and knocking, trying not to knock the door in, to listen, to be still, to watch, I feel like such a pre-schooler. Not so easy to be still when I see things I want done, or need to be done, like NOW! God's timing is the ultimate time, His love is everpresent, His peace passes all understanding, and really I have found an element of peace in where I am now, in my small amount of being still in His presence. He is the good God after all, no matter what I feel, or see, God is Good.

Work is going well. Am off tomorrow from the job that pays, have to go toss around a few hundred cases of Girl Scout cookies, then to GS Council to turn in money for Cadette Congress, then back to Lindsay in time to get the daughter and to the scout hut to load all those wonderful cookies in girls cars to deliver to all the great people who support the Girl Scouts. (um that is my volunteer job). I really don't know what I would do without the great ladies that work with me here in Girl Scouts. They are truly some of the best. The time they give, the joy they bring. They are the best! You know what is kewl!!!!! My Great Niece was the highest seller in her Junior Girl Scout troop! Way to go B!!!! oh,,, and thanks Momma A for all the great help!!!

Enough rambling on for now, the bills are paid, I think I hear rain,,,,, CAN IT BE???? L I B, it is rain! Thank you Father from whom all blessings flow!

Well here I am, an actual blog person. Where did the name of my blog page come from you ask, it sounds soooooo,,, ummmm,, desperate. Well you are right, it is a title of desperation. You see, this was about the 25th blog page address I had typed in,, I WAS DESPERATE to find something no one else in this crazy blog world had used.
So now you see the person I am, a little crazed today, a little desperate, a little unsure of my surroundings. So all you pro bloggers out there, Joy, James, Danny,, you will have to lead me through this wonderful maze called the blog!!!!
This is because of you all you know, because you won't let me do any anonnomous comments, and you know I want to comment!!!!! lol : )
Toodles for today,, maybe tomorrow (if i can find my way back to this space) I will not be as desperate, or crazy,, one can only hope!